


Thursdays with Agent Emily

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Humor, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emily brought out things in him that he was afraid might have been buried with Haley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thursdays with Agent Emily

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 25 to Life. Not having Hotch in the episode gave me more to play with than I thought it would. Oh, and I totally brought my Sam/Jessie fantasy into “reality” because that’s the beauty of fanfiction.

Emily knocked on the door and waited. She couldn’t help but smile when she heard the pitter patter of small socked feet and then that voice.

“Who is it?” he asked.

“It’s me, Jack.”

“Who's me?” he giggled.

“Agent Emily.”

He unlocked the bottom lock and pulled the door; nothing happened. He tried again and then called out for his father.

“Daddy! The door won't open!”

“Its not supposed to Jack; its locked.” Hotch’s voice was followed by the sound of his familiar footsteps.

“Unlock it, unlock it, Agent Emily is out there.”

“OK buddy.” He laughed as he turned the double lock. He smiled when he saw Emily. “Hi there.”

“Hey.” She handed him the pizza box and a six-pack of beer before scooping his son into her arms. “Jack attack!”

Hotch watched as she tickled Jack’s belly and then covered his face with kisses. The sound of his son’s ebullience would never get old. Jack had happy moments; he had lots of happy moments. But there was something about Emily that just brought out every ounce of sunshine in him. Emily spun him around and then went from holding him cradle style to carrying him on her hip.

“Holy moly, Captain Jack, you are getting big. Soon I won't be able to pick you up and spin you around.”

Whenever she was with him her heart soared and broke almost at the same time. All she wanted was children. Emily knew it wasn’t for all the wrong reasons; she would be such a good mother. Approaching forty, still alone, each day she was closer to it never happening. There were ways; so many people told her there were ways.

She hated to think she was a traditionalist but one thing Emily wanted for her child was something she never had. Every child deserved a stable home with a loving mother and father. There were so many wonderful single parents who did what they had to and made it work, present company included. She knew if it came to that she would give up on the white picket fence before she gave up on being a mother.

Emily just never wanted it to come to that. Just once, she wanted it all. When she held Jack in her arms, it was the closest she ever felt to getting it. But he was someone else’s son and there was enough pain and guilt associated with that for Emily to have no damn idea how to feel.

“Don’t say that.” Jack hugged her tight around her neck. Emily hugged him back, kissing his cheek.

Hotch still watched them as he put the food and drink down in the kitchen.

“It’s after my bedtime.” Jack told her. “Will you tuck me in, Agent Emily?”

“Of course I will. As long as it’s OK with Daddy.”

“Daddy, I want Agent Emily to tuck me in.” Jack announced.

“That’s fine, buddy. But I want my hug first.”

Hotch came out of the kitchen and Jack held out his arms while his legs were still firmly attached to Emily. It ended up being a slightly awkward group hug. Emily was surprised that all Hotch did was laugh and kiss his son’s face.

“Sweet dreams, Jack.” He said.

“Goodnight, Daddy.”

“What story are we going to read tonight?” Emily asked as she walked with him back to his bedroom. She glanced back at Hotch and he couldn’t hide the sweet smile on his face. Emily winked at him before giving her full attention to his son.

“ _Green Eggs and Ham_!” Jack exclaimed. “I want you to do the voices, Agent Emily, like you did before.”

“I have to say Jack Jack, you have excellent taste in bedtime stories.”

Once they were in his bedroom, Emily pushed up the door so that it was nearly closed. Hotch found that he wanted to know what they were talking about in there but held back. It was strange but he respected both Emily’s time with Jack and Jack’s time with Emily. He’d been talking about it since Hotch told him last night that Agent Emily would come over after work. Jack wanted to know what time and was disappointed his father didn't know.

He said he would play board games with her, see if she wanted to help him build his Lego ship, and watch TV with her. Hotch thought that was an awful lot of activity and would take some time but Jack was determined that they'd have time for everything. He didn’t know how to hide his sadness when Hotch said that she was running late. They weren't going to be able to have any fun together tonight. He didn’t know when he would see her again and it wasn’t fair.

Hotch hated to see Jack pouting. He was able to turn it into a smile when he promised that Jack could stay up until Emily got there. There was dinner, a little TV, a bath, and then he waited on the couch in his Toy Story pajamas until she knocked on the door. That’s when the real fun started. Hotch smiled when he heard Jack laughing from the bedroom.

He went into the kitchen, opening the pizza box. Emily brought him carnivore pizza with sausage, pepperoni, salami, bacon, and meatballs. She also brought a six-pack of Samuel Adams Oktoberfest beer. That wasn’t so easy to get in November but Emily Prentiss knew people. Hotch opened a bottle, leaned against his counter and took a drink.

It had been a long week but one both he and Jack needed. He was still wrapping his mind around it being over a year since Haley died. When it happened he was sure that time would stand still. It moved as it always did, even if sometimes Hotch wasn’t moving with it. He made the decision to return to the BAU, a decision he was still grappling with, and Jessie stepped in to fill his ex-wife’s shoes.

He did his best to be a good father to his son. In the end, when his time came, that was all that would matter. Hotch knew he had a lot of learning to do. This week away from work was just a start. He wasn’t sure if there would ever be a proper way to balance the demons and the home front.

He was blessed to have people in his life who wanted to love Jack and help raise him into the man they knew he could be. That didn’t mean he was comfortable leaving it all up to them. Hotch made promises to Haley. He’d broken so many over time but he couldn’t break these. He had to teach him about love, life, loss, and everything in between.

He needed to be there for the booboos and the _Spongebob marathons_. He didn’t want to miss the questions about mommy or the reading lessons. He wanted to show him all the family pictures and deal with the begging for a puppy or kitten. He just wanted to be dad. Was it going to be possible to be dad, Hotch, Aaron, and BAU Unit Chief? A year into trying to make it all work, Hotch still had no idea.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Hmm?” he came out of his head and back into his kitchen. Emily was looking at him with a curious look on her face. It was an adorable, curious look.

“What's on your mind, Hotch?”

“Not much.” he lied and was upset with himself.

“I’ll never believe that.”

“Is Jack asleep?” Hotch wanted to change the subject.

“He’s out like a light. He’s got Constable Bear, his nightlight, and he’s been regaled with tales of the egg loving Sam I Am. I wish I could’ve gotten here sooner but…”

“You were too busy bursting into the house of a popular, wealthy Congressional candidate, giving him a dressing down, and putting him under arrest for a 25 year old murder.”

“I still wanted to be with Jack.” Emily replied, unable to stop herself from telling the truth.

“What happened tonight?” he asked.

“We don’t need to talk about it for a number of reasons.”

“Which are?”

“Well, one,” Emily went to the cabinet and grabbed two plates. She started dishing out pizza. “You're off for the week. Two, what's done is done. Three, I'm sure you’ve already heard the whole story from Dave. What I can't quite figure out is if you called him or he called you.”

“I called him.” Hotch said smiling. “What happened?”

“We’re not going to talk about work.” Emily put the plates in the big microwave and hit one minute. “What's your favorite song?”

“I'm sorry?” Hotch sipped his beer.

“Tell me what your favorite song is.”

“ _Ob La Di, Ob La Da_. I'm pretty easy.”

“Ahh yes, The Beatles; I know you're a big fan.”

“I am but that’s not all I listen to, contrary to what Dave tried to say. I know your favorite song.”

“How?” Emily raised an eyebrow.

“I know a lot about you.” he said simply.

“Well, what is it?”

She found it easier to look at the pizza than her companion. The microwave buzzed, she pulled the plates out and sat them on the kitchen table. Before joining her, Hotch grabbed another beer from the refrigerator and opened it for her.

“Thank you. So, what's my favorite song?”

“ _How Soon is Now_.”

“I'm not sure that was so hard to figure out, Agent Hotchner. You didn’t have to be a profiler to know that.”

“ _I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar_.” Hotch replied with the lyrics. “ _I am the son and heir of nothing in particular_.”

“Yeah.” Emily hardly whispered the response, looking down at the pizza. It looked good but she found her appetite wasn’t kicking right now. She’d eat it anyway; needed something to occupy her hands and mouth.

“I listened to it 25 times on repeat Sunday night after Jack went to bed.”

“What?” now she was looking at him. “Why?”

“I wanted to hear what you hear.”

“I hate to sound like I don’t understand but…what?”

“Its poetry really.” Hotch said. “It’s dark, grim, and unsettling but its beautiful poetry.”

“Then you hear what I hear. Did it really take 25 times?”

“Nah, more like 5.” Hotch shook his head. “The rest of the time I was just letting it envelope me.” _I was just letting you envelope me_ , he thought.

“I bet you can't guess what my second favorite song is.”

Emily didn’t know if she wanted to continue with that conversation. Hotch was in such a vulnerable place right now. She wanted to be there for him, as a friend, but she also wanted him to know that he didn’t have to be anything with her but what he wanted in the moment. She wasn’t there to talk about work. She wasn’t there to talk about Haley. She wanted to if he did but if he didn’t, that was fine too.

Sometimes it was better to keep it light. Emily knew from a few, short phone conversations that this week was difficult for Hotch. She came by with pizza, beer, and a little levity. It was the least she could do. He deserved it. She wanted to be the one thing in his life that wasn’t hard to think about. Was she succeeding, Emily really had no idea.

“Your second favorite song.” Hotch tapped his forehead as he bit into his pizza. “Nope, you got me on that one. I have no idea.”

“ _Rainy Days and Mondays_.” She replied.

“Really?” he laughed a bit. “I love that about you, you know. You can love The Smiths and The Carpenters all in the same breath.”

“Honestly, the songs are pretty similar in nature.”

“Sadness.” Hotch said.

“I don’t want to be that girl…the depressing music girl. Still, I think I'm that girl.”

“There is time to save yourself. Tell me your third favorite song.”

“Who has a third favorite song?” Emily asked. She grinned as she ate her pizza.

“I bet you do. You aren’t like everyone else. You’re like…people who have a third favorite song.”

She laughed aloud and then looked at him.

“I'm not sure if I want to say. It’s a cheesy love song.”

“Oh now you have to tell me.” Hotch’s voice was playful. He didn’t even know his voice could still be playful with anyone but Jack. Emily brought out things in him that he was afraid might have been buried with Haley.

“It’s a song called _How Can I Fall_.”

“I know that song.”

“No you don’t.” she reached out to playfully thump his arm.

“I do.” Hotch insisted. “Its by that band, um, 80s band, one hit wonder. Cute blonde guy sings the lead. Don’t ask me how I remember that. Wait…um, _when you just won't give me reasons. Could I lie to you, I'm just too weak to face the truth_. I'm close right?”

“You're very close; you're spot on. The band is called Breathe.”

“Yes.” Hotch shook his fist. “Breathe, that’s it. They had another song, right, just as cheesy.”

“ _Hands to Heaven_.” Emily replied.

“I told you I knew the song. It’s a beautiful song.”

They were silent for awhile, eating pizza and drinking beer. Hotch went for another slice and Emily said yes even though she wasn’t hungry at all.

“I think you're…”

“How's Jack doing?”

There was laughter as they spoke at the same time. Emily laughed a little longer than Hotch did. Then he deferred to her.

“How is Jack doing?” she asked.

“The short answer is fine. We have our ups and downs though I suppose we would have those anyway. Jessie has been a godsend, being there for him and for me, being family. I just…she’s given up a lot to step into Haley’s shoes and I don’t necessarily think that’s fair to her.” he sat back at the table with their meal. “She’d argue me into the ground, of that I'm sure, but her most recent news made me realize I had to step in, step back, and have Jack here with me for a little while.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Jessie’s pregnant, Emily.”

“Oh my God, seriously? Oh Hotch, that’s amazing news. She must be so ecstatic.”

“She's quite happy and Sam is walking around with his chest poked out just like I was when Haley told me about Jack. This past year has been…Jessie was on the front lines. She lost her sister; her best friend. She took in Jack so I could work full time and then had this compelling need to help Sam recover when she barely knew who he was.

“I don’t know where she found the strength to do all she's done for everyone. Now she needs a breather. They need a breather. He’s my son; I should be more involved in raising him.”

“Do you think you can do both?” Emily asked.

“I'm not entirely sure. I'm coming back to work Monday and I know it’s only a matter of time before we’re back on that jet traveling across the country. Still, I have to find a better balance.”

“Jessie surely isn’t the only one who wants to help.”

“I don’t want to be that guy.” He said.

“The only guy you are is Aaron Hotchner. You have so many people’s back and then you won't let them have yours. Morgan offers to do paperwork so you can go home and you say no. Just say yes, Hotch. Say yes to me.”

“I need to know what you're offering first.”

“Anything you need. A friend, a person to do your grocery shopping, a babysitter, a drinking buddy…I'm your girl.”

“You have a life too, Emily.” He said.

“Ha, that’s where you're wrong.” She smiled but he could see the sadness underneath.

“I can't ask you, I won't ask you, to put your whole life on hold to be a part of mine.”

“I want to…” Emily stopped and took a deep breath. “You frustrate the hell out of me.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“I'm in love with you.”

“I said tell me something I don’t know.”

“Aaron!” she exclaimed, covering her mouth. She didn’t want to wake Jack.

“I wish I could be what you needed me to be.” He said.

“I don’t need you to be anything but Aaron Hotchner. I didn’t even mean to say that. I know I can't take it back but let’s just forget it, alright. I came over here to enjoy a nice evening, not to devolve into an episode of As the World Turns. You promised me a movie.”

“I even picked out three to choose from. I know you can be picky sometimes.” Hotch grinned.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Emily pushed her plate aside. She knew she’d be sick if she ate another bite. Her feelings were out there in the open and she couldn’t take them back. Worst of all, Hotch made no move whatsoever to tell her yes, no, or fuck off. There weren't often moments anymore where Emily wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. Now would be a good time though. “Which three did you pick?”

“ _Manhattan_ , _Tootsie_ , and _A Fish Called Wanda_.” Hotch replied.

“Oh my God, you expect to choose.”

Hotch got up from the table again, started to clean up their dinner. He grabbed two more beers from the fridge as Emily made her way to the living room.

“I’ll make it easier for you. I'm thinking of a number between one and twenty.”

“Are you serious?” she settled on his almost comfortable couch.

“Yes. This means we’ll watch the movie tonight and not next Arbor Day.”

“You're not funny. OK, I pick 17.”

“ _Tootsie_ it is.” He came and joined her on the couch. “See how easy that was.”

“ _Tootsie_ sounds good.” Emily smiled.

“I'm glad you're here tonight, Emily. Jack wanted to see you and I did too.”

“That’s what friends are for.”

“You're more than…”

“Don’t, Aaron.”

“I just…”

“Please.” Emily’s voice was almost pleading. “Let’s just enjoy our evening. I didn’t come here to have the dangling conversation. I know that’s not what you wanted either. OK?”

Hotch nodded, not saying a word. There was much more he wanted to say but she was right, now wasn’t the time. He surely didn’t know when the time would come and a part of him feared the time had already passed. Silence wasn’t always golden and Hotch knew from experience that sometimes you just had to drop the pretenses and say what needed to be said.

“Are you going to put the movie in?” Emily asked.

“I think we need to talk. Let’s have a talk, Emily.”

“This isn’t going to be about my fourth favorite song, is it?”

“No.” he shook his head.

She nodded and took a deep breath. It had been a long week; it wasn’t supposed to end like this. While she had no idea what Hotch was getting ready to say to her that surely didn’t stop her stomach from churning. Her heart was beating so fast Emily was sure it was about to leap clean out of her chest. This was it and there would be no going back from whatever was said tonight. It might sound crazy but Emily thought she liked it better when it was all dangling in the air above them. That was surely better than the whole thing crashing down on her head.

***

  



End file.
